Slick. Stylish. Suave.
From the outside looking in, they exude an aura of unattainable perfection.
Without even touching them, you can already tell that you won’t be able to keep your hands off ‘em.
You find yourself gazing off into the distance, thinking they were made for you – even though you know that scores of others are thinking the exact same thing.
But then you actually hold them in your arms and realize that the unattainable perfection you were sure you felt was nothing more than the perfect subject matter for an “expectations vs. reality” meme.
Just like the hot douchey quarterback that you crushed on at school only to be sorely disappointed later on; these flip flops didn’t meet my expectations.
Unboxing my Ipanema flip flops, I was sure these would be my next go-to fancy flip flops.
They were tastefully solid black so they’d go with anything. The elegantly designed thongs crisscrossing over one another in a simple-but-alluring fashion statement. I imagined myself walking around Los Angeles looking fancy but feeling comfortable with my new flip flops. Or even on a date, trying to impress my potential significant other without seeming overly high-maintenance.
These flip flops appeared to have the style with the perks of feeling lazy without looking lazy. But looks aren’t everything; these flip flops made that crystal clear.
Slipping them on, I immediately noticed how hard it was to walk.
When you wear flip flops with the intention to impress, you don’t want to have to be worrying about the possibility of losing a flip flop on the way to the venue.
With these on, that would probably be the only thing on your mind.
The straps were so loose, with every step, the sole slapped against my heel. I mean, c’mon – I asked for a pair of flip flops, not the footwear equivalent of a clapping monkey kids’ toy.
As for traction, these flip flops have next to none.
There isn’t even such a thing as an outsole on these!
Walking on wet surfaces feels as slick as these flip flops look.
The “outsole” (or simply the sole, since it’s one solid thing) has tiny plastic dots in a pattern to help create traction, but out in the field, they’re mere decorations.
Overall, with all these factors playing a role in the comfort of these flip flops, I would say that while they’re annoying to wear due to the loose straps, they aren’t too uncomfortable to wear.
If you can get past the near-violent slap-slap-slapping of the sole against your heel, you’ll notice that everything else about the flip flop is smoothed out – just like they look.
They seem to rub against your skin just the right way.
Now, would I recommend these flip flops to anyone?
Probably not, unless their feet fit better than mine in them.
But are they a terrible flip flop? Not necessarily. Assuming that the flip flop fits your feet, unlike mine, and you’re not planning on going out in the rain or walk on a smooth surface, these flip flops could make for a great choice.
Just like with dating the hot douchey quarterback, some people are luckier than others.
Flip Flop Verdict
Overall Performance — 2.6 out of 5
Exercising aspirations of unattainability (posing)
Fit – 2
Straps are way too loose
Style – 4
Looks as slick as it feels (and by that I mean it has no traction)
Traction – 1
You might as well have put lube on the bottom of these
Comfort – 2
It really depends on whether or not they fit your feet
Dudeness – 4
Looking good without even having to try