Have you ever worn shoes so stiff you wondered if they were just for show? Like doll shoes that don’t bend because they’re not supposed to be taken off. Think old Barbie doll heels.
These flip flops embody exactly that.
When you think Nike, you think athletics. You think Air Jordan’s.
When you think Nike, you think athletics. You think Air Jordan’s. You think success and determination. I pulled these out of my sack of flip flop goodies with exactly those things in mind. My Air Jordan’s are arguably my favorite shoes to wear.
Every single day, they make their debut on my feet. So, seeing that swoosh on these flip flops, I was ready for perfection.
That isn’t what I got.
Walking in these made me look like a penguin
Instead, these flip flops felt arthritic. Rather than embodying spritely youth, wearing these made me feel like I was a 90-year-old grandma struggling to walk. Each step took effort just to bend the sole. Walking in these made me look like a penguin, forcing me to waddle to get anywhere!
The reason for the difficulty? These flip flops are clunky as hell. I swear, they’re an inch and a half of unbendable material. So, not only do they feel uncomfortable to walk in, but they make you look like you’re not so subtly trying to gain an inch on your height.
The up-side is that when you’re looking at them from up top, they look sleek – as you would expect from a typical Nike product.
But how do they fare with the other practical aspect, that isn’t walking? You know, the one that deals with a clumsy person like me not falling flat on my face. Traction.
They’re disappointingly horrible in that field as well. My feet slid all over the place when I tried walking. Added on top of the already ridiculous stiffness of the sole, and you’ve got yourself a completely useless flip flop.
As if Nike realized these pitfalls themselves, they compensated in fit. I don’t think I’ve ever worn flip flops that made my feet look so good.
The size was perfect, and the strap acted as a seatbelt to keep my feet secure for the inevitably slippery and effort-exerting walk I would need to embark on. The toe post didn’t make the in-between of my toes feel chafed or uncomfortable, either, which is a huge plus.
However, with all the effort being exerted during this arthritic flip flop adventure, it would be impossible for me to say these flip flops exude any chill. Not only are they stiff, the opposite of Dudeness, but they also make it impossible to relax and have a good laid-back time.
I do see potential in these flip flops, though. Specifically, for anyone needing to method act for the role of a 90-year-old grandma with chronic arthritis. Go forth. I believe in you.
